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Zack's Anger Diary: The Beach Stinks

August 16, 2016

 

Dear Diary …

 

So I’m fresh off vacation right now. OK … “fresh” isn’t the word … because I’m tired, man. Real life happens too early in the morning!

 

I always think that’s the dumbest question when you go back to work after vacation … “So ... do you feel all refreshed and relaxed?”

 

No! Actually, I’m totally not relaxed because I got like two weeks of work to do this week to make up for my lazy loungin’ butt last week.

 

Refreshed? You know when I felt refreshed? The first day of vacation … ahhh … very far away from work. THAT is when it’s relaxing!

 

Anyway … I went to the beach. Which … let’s be honest … is totally overrated.

 

Now don’t get me wrong … I like the beach vacation. I just don’t like the actual “beach” portion of it.

 

I like being near the beach. I like being able to see and smell the beach … but actually GOING to the beach? Meh.

 

Cuz when you’re on a trip with several other couples, and seven total children … that’s a TON of crap to lug to the beach.

Every kid’s gotta have a bucket. Every kid’s gotta have a boogie board. Every kid needs 257 snacks … and a chair … and a life jacket … and a canopy for shade. On and on and on.

 

And that’s not even the worst part about the beach … the worst part is very simple … SAND.

 

That stuff is everywhere and it’s gross.

 

It gets stuck all over your body, and [[pfft pfft]] every time the wind blows it goes in your mouth. In your hair … on your towel … everywhere!

 

I don’t know who in their right mind would EVER think it’s romantic to mash potatoes at the beach. You can’t keep the sand out when you’re just sittin’ there … and now you’re jammin’ things into things? SAND! Everywhere sand! Not romantic!!!!

 

Oh … and here’s another screwgee when it comes to the beach … sunblock. Specifically the spray sunblock that we all use now.

 

First of all, let me just applaud the genius at the sunblock company who came up with this stuff. They managed to capitalize on a society that’s so lazy that we simply cannot be bothered to rub a little lotion on our bodies, and instead need it in a quick to use spray can. And by doing that, they managed to figure out a way to charge twice as much money for half as much sunblock … and we’re all eatin’ up like crazy.

 

And I know what you’re saying, “Oh but is SO easy and convenient!”

 

Yes … that is very true. But it’s also very easy to totally miss parts of your body because you’re just quickly [[psshhhhhhtt]]] … there I’m all done!

 

But you're not. And you know how I' know this? Because I fried the heck outta my shoulders on day one at the beach. Totally missed em with the spray.

 

Then I get home and realize my shoulders look like some sort of Native American warpaint with these two giant painful strips of red on ‘em. Thanks spray sunblock!

 

So yeah … I’m totally refreshed and relaxed from vacation!!! Can’t ya tell?????

 

Till next time Diary, I say … Goodbye.

 

 

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