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Zack's Anger Diary: Pretending to Care About the Olympics

August 2, 2016

 

Dear Diary …

 

Ahhh yes … it's that special time that only comes every couple of years … the Olympics.

 

And for the record, I was going to say “Every four years,” but then some know-it-all would say “But the Winter Olympics happen in two years!”

 

So then I was going to say ‘Every two years,” but then some other know-it-all who doesn’t count the winter ones would say “But the Summer Olympics happen every four years!”

 

So there … now I’ve covered both! Anyway … the Olympics …

 

The time where athletes from all across the globe come together to compete, and the people of the world flock to their televisions to pretend we care about these random sports they're all playing.

 

My wife loves the Olympics.  Why?  I’m not exactly sure.

 

She loves swimming, gymnastics, beach volleyball … that's just to name a few. And you know when the last time was that she watched any of these sports?  Three years and 50 weeks ago when the last Summer Olympics ended.

 

But for the next two weeks it’s gonna be “Oh my God … we can’t go anywhere tonight … we gotta watch beach volleyball.”

 Now I will say this … the outfits for women’s beach volleyball … yeah … Zack likey.

 

Even better is that every time they score a point it’s like “Yay! Let’s hug in our bikinis!”  Alright … this is something I can get behind.

 

And look … I don’t hate the Olympics. I like the idea of having live sports to watch on TV at pretty much any time of the day or night.

 

I’m just pointing out that we make a HUGE deal about all these sports … “Oh what’s gonna happen in the 200 meter butterfly?”  And then two weeks from now, if you offered us a million dollars to tell you when the next swim meet is … we would have NO clue.

 

I mean .. gymnastics … you would think the Super Bowl was on the way NBC will make such a BIG deal about it.  But the difference is … with the Super Bowl … we don’t say “Hey good job Denver Broncos … see ya in four years!”

 

Look … watch if you want, just don’t pretend like you’re actual fan of any of these sports unless you plan on watching them again later.  And don’t ask me … cuz I have no idea when any of these sports play.  Is there a swimming channel on cable?

 Like up in the 800's or something? Maybe it’s there.

 

But if nothing else, it makes us feel special as Americans to destroy these other smaller countries in random sports we may or may not care about.

 

Yes! ‘Murica!  USA! USA! USA!

 

Till next time Diary … I say … goodbye

 

 

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