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Zack's Anger Diary: Women and Their Batteries

July 26, 2016

 

Dear Diary ...

 

Women are odd creatures.  I understand very little about them.  Also,  they are all very different creatures too.

 

One woman says, “Flowers are the most romantic thing a man can do as a little thing just to say I love you.”  Meanwhile, the woman next to her will say, “Flowers are stupid.  They just die.  If my man gets me flowers, he’s an idiot.”

 

So basically as men, we’re screwed.  We’re never gonna get it right.  One woman says, “I just wish he would share his advice with me more often.”  While the other says, “Shut up with your opinion, oppressor!”

 

Now that said, one thing they DO all have in common … no woman I know has a cell phone with more than 17% battery on it at any given time. I’m not ever sure if their phones go up to 100% to begin with!

 

I recently went on a family road trip, and as we started the drive one day my wife immediately said, “Oh my phone’s about to die … I gotta charge it.”  This was first thing in the morning.   Why did you not charge it last night?  How does that even happen?

 

I was at an event last week … met a woman working the event and she says … “Ooooh … let’s take a selfie!”  And I can see on that screen as we’re doing the selfie ... 14%.  14!  You <em>just</em> got here!  How have you planned SO poorly for this?

 

“My phone’s about to die” … I can’t remember the last time I heard a man say that in my presence.  I mean … Hmmm … if only there was a way to plug that phone into electricity and give it more power so it wouldn’t die all the time.  Hmmmmmmmm

 

OK … Moving on Diary … manners are important.  And as a parent, I of course try to teach that to my kids.  Say please and thank you, be polite, all that stuff.  And they do that … mostly … but the problem is that kids don’t actually understand the correct usage of the word “please.”

 

The correct usage is in the form of a question … like “Can I please have something to eat?”  You ask that, and then you receive an answer that could go either way.

 

To them, the word “please” is an automatic guarantee of a yes answer.

 

“Can I have cake for dinner?”

 

No.  No you can’t.

 

“Please”

 

No.  The answer is still no.

 

“Pretty please?”

 

No!

 

“I SAID PLEASE!!!”

 

Look I don’t care if you said please.  And I don’t care if you say “please please please please please” Which they like to do like waterboarding torture on your forehead… That doesn’t guarantee the yes answer.

 

I say “please leave me alone,” and you don’t do that.  See?

 

“Please?” is a question … not a mandate you little rugrat.

 

Till next time Diary … I say goodbye.

 

 

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