Zack's Anger Diary: You Get No Equity

Dear Diary …

When you raise kids, life pretty much becomes a daily exercise in taking care of them.

You gotta feed ‘em … The 247 times a day they ask for snacks. Seriously, I’m starting to think maybe my daughter has a tapeworm, because the snacks NEVER end.

You gotta protect ‘em … From the fact that they are seemingly out to send themselves to the emergency room on a daily basis. And as they’re sprinting around the living room you’re telling them “Be careful or you’re gonna fall and hit your head on the coffee table,” and they lovingly say “No I won’t!” And then, they fall and hit their head on the coffee table and say “Oh my head! I hit it on the coffee table!! WHYYYYYY?????”

So yeah … you also gotta teach ‘em …. Every time they’re being little pukes who think they got all the answers in the world, and you gotta knock them down a few pegs and make them realize they don’t. Or at least let the coffee table make ‘em dizzy a little bit to hopefully knock some sense into them.

So anyway … you gotta do all these things. Every day. And what I’ve learned is that, to the children, none of this counts for anything. You get zero equity with children. I don’t care how much you do for them, or buy for them, or take them places in a given day ... The next day, in their little minds, it is a totally clean slate and as far as they are concerned, you have done nothing.

Here’s an example … I took my son to a birthday party this weekend. Which any parent will tell, might actually be one of the levels of hell. If I die and go to the burny place, and I find out hell is just one neverending kid’s birthday party … yeah that really wouldn’t surprise me.

But like I said … it’s what you do for them … so we’re doing it. And before the party has even started, my son says, “What day is Colin’s birthday party?”

It’s today. We’re leaving in ten minutes.

“No! When’s his NEXT birthday party?”

Next YEAR!!! It’s in ONE YEAR and ten minutes. Can we not at least get thru this party before you start talking about the next one?

You get no equity!

The last time the kids had a school break … my daughter had this week long adventure of kid awesome … out riding her bike every day with her friends, play dates galore both at her house and their house … sometimes more than one a day … fun trips out, etc etc. So we do this for five straight days, and on the sixth day she asks if one of her friends can come over.

Well that friend was busy that day, so the answer was no.

And what does she say?

“It’s not fair. I NEVER get a playdate!!!”

Oh you little **** … Oh … Excuse me … Got a little worked up there.

But seriously … you gonna pull this crap with me? “I NEVER get a play date” … Get outta here with that!

No equity.

Two weekends ago … it was action-packed kid weekend … birthday party, soccer game, dance rehearsal, playdate, school function. And when I get up Sunday morning … first step on the ground and my son says “Daddy what are we DOING today?”

Nothing! We are doing nothing! Now go watch TV until your brain melts and leave me alone!

Till next time Diary, I say Goodbye.