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Zack's Anger Diary: Green Light Haters and Crimes Against Chicken Wings

April 19, 2016

 

Dear Diary …

 

After years of driving I’ve learned … well I’ve learned what everybody learns … everybody else stinks at it. I could spend every week of this Anger Diary talking about something driving related, and I’d have enough material to get me to the year 3000. Now I don't do that every week, because that would get boring. However, this week IS one of those weeks.

 

Now before I start … I should point out that I do get a kick out of the simple fact that we all sit here and say “Yeah … Everybody else is a bad driver. Oh except ME … I’m an excellent driver!” Ok … then who are the bad drivers if we ALL think we’re the exception?

 

But that’s beside the point … Can’t answer that question anyway. So let’s just move forward.

 

One thing that I’ve learned is that there are different kinds of drivers. Some people drive slow. Other people drive fast.

There’s all sorts of categories of drivers.

 

For example … I’ve found that there is a group of drivers who hate green lights. I don’t know why they don’t like ‘em, but clearly they hate them, because they seemingly go out of their way to miss green lights, and allow themselves to be trapped at ... what I assume instead ... are their favorite pretty red lights.

 

Oh and not just them … as you could probably guess … me as well since I’m the one stuck behind them at the same stupid red light.

 

“What do you mean? Nobody hates green lights?”

 

Oh yeah? Well then explain to me why these people seem to have ZERO hustle when it comes to making it thru them?

 

We’ve all been driving long enough to know roughly how long a light stays green, and there is nothing worse than having that internal clock in your brain while driving behind someone who seemingly has NO concept as to how traffic lights work.

 

“Bump-a-dump-a-dump … just gonna cruise along here … slightly slower than I should. Ooop! Look at that … I’m at a red light now.”

 

And look … it’s not that my life is THAT important that I got somewhere super special to be, but I can promise you it’s someplace better than behind the wheel of my stupid car. Life is too short to be wasting it at a traffic light … you gotta get some hustle into it!

 

OK … moving on Diary …

 

Now clearly, these green light haters, that’s a whole thing that I wanna make illegal when I’m King of Zackmerica. So let me give you another one while I’m at it … and I don’t care how old or young you are … crimes against chicken wings will be punishable to the fullest extent of the laws.

 

Kids are the worst at this. I’ve had to watch my daughter and her friends commit chicken wing abuse time and time again, where we Moms and Dads order delicious chicken wings for everybody to enjoy.

 

And I don’t know about you … but I can eat me my share of chicken wings. There’s pretty much always room for at lest one more. And there is no bigger travesty than when you want another wing and realize they’re all gone … and then you see it … that wing sitting on some kid plate … with like two tiny bites taken out of it and 90% of the deliciousness just sitting there … RUINED.

 

“Oh you can just eat it”

 

No you can’t!

 

Kid mouths are gross. Even your own kids … but especially other people’s kids. You have no idea why kind of bacteria and boogers they’ve been lickin’ all over that chicken wing. So instead … you gotta just throw that poor wing out. Bye bye little angel … total crime against chicken wing humanity.

 

So you know what? As a leader … sometimes the right decision isn’t always the easiest decision. Kid … enjoy prison. They’ll learn!

 

Till next time Diary … I say … Goodbye.

 

 

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