RSS Feed

Text STOP to 52353 to opt-out

Zack's Anger Diary: I will Never Grow

April 12, 2016

 

Dear Diary …

 

I'm a family man now. Wife. Two kids. House with a fence. All that stuff.

 

And when you become a family man, you learn to have new perspectives on things in your life. You may have thought a different way in your youth, but now you are older and wiser, and you have things figured out a little better.

 

For example … I have learned that my family will never allow me to grow beyond where I am today. This is it for me. Break out the camera and take a picture, because I’m on the top of my Mount Everest, and I will never get beyond where I am today!

 

And I say this because any time I try to do things to grow beyond this point, the family springs into action and squashes them.

 

Now … I prefer to look at it this way … I have everything I could possibly need to be happy. So I can sit here and bask in the glory of the things I have.

 

Yeah … I look at it that way because the alternative is that these people are holdin’ me down, man, and I’m just trapped in their web. Never to escape. Welcome to the stationary bike of life old man … cuz you ain’t gettin’ nowhere no matter how hard you pedal!

 

So yeah … I’m … the first one and stuff about the being perfect and happy. That one.

 

OK so I know you’re asking … how can you say that? What are you even talking about?

 

I’ll give you an example …

 

I wanna do this little side project thing on YouTube. Cuz, you know, people get rich on YouTube, and I think the idea is pretty good. So that involves learning video editing ... putting the videos together … basically taking some time and concentration to get it done.

 

And every time I sit down to do it … All of a sudden it’s as if I’m just a giant magnet, and everybody in the house is immediately sucked into the room and stuck to the side of me. Askin’ stuff …

 

“Daddy I want Cheez-Its”


“Can you come outside with me so I can ride my bike?”


“What are we having for dinner? What are you making?”


“I’m meeting some friends for wine, can you watch the kids?”

 

AHHHH!!!!

 

See … no focus. No time. And no grow. This is it.

 

And it’s not just the family … the universe is in on this too. And they think they’re hilarious with the ways they mess with me.

 

So I dabble from time to time in the world of daily fantasy sports. You know, those websites with the really annoying commercials with the guy dancing around with the big check that you never gonna win? Yeah … those things.

 

So the baseball season starts, and I put some money in for the first couple days. And I … STINK. Hello last place! And goodbye money! You know that emoji with the money with the little wings on it? Yeah … it’s that. So obviously, this is not making me happy.

 

So I decide … You know what? I’m that choice A thing … the one where I have everything I need to be happy. I ain’t gonna play this anymore.

 

But then the next day, I get a text message from a friend of mine, "Hey I got a free entry to try to win $2. Throw me together a lineup cuz I don’t know baseball."

 

OK fine … stink anyway ... who cares? I throw it together. And what happens? It is the greatest lineup in the history of my career. A lineup that would’ve won ANY of those contests that end with some guy dancing around with a big check.

But what did it win here? $2. And nothin’ else cuz I didn’t use it. Now even when I DON’T play I’m in a bad mood!

 

Thanks a lot universe! You are HI-LARIOUS!

 

So yup … this is it for me. The wall. Hit it. Done.

 

But remember … we’re going with the whole “Choice A … this is awesome” thing. Right? [[SNIFF]] … Right??????

 

Till next time Diary … I say … Goodbye

 

 

Share on Facebook
Share on Twitter
Please reload