Dear Diary …
I have held my tongue for long enough, but I can’t do it anymore. And a lot of you aren’t going to like what I’m about to say, but you need to hear it. You … are LAME! You used to be cool, but now you’ve grown up, and you’ve grown up TOTALLY lame.
What hapened to you?
For example ... I had a friend on Facebook the other day complaining that “there aren’t any G rated movies in the theater for me to take my kids to.” G??? Are you kidding me with this? You can’t take your kids to see Kung Fu Panda? “Oh but it’s PG, what if there’s a fart joke in there?” Oh my God … do you hear yourself right now? You sound like the lamest person on Earth. I got two kids, and their life is one big fart joke. I think if a cartoon panda drops one down, it ain't gonna make one bit of difference.
The world ain’t G rated … deal with it. You don’t have to take ‘em to see Deadpool, but there’s no reason to be so uptight about the whole thing. Actually Deadpool is another great example where you have grown adults saying, "Oh my God the language!" Would you unbutton your corset for one second and chill out?
I got another friend asking everyone on Facebook … “My daughter wants the new Taylor Swift album. Do you think it’s appropriate for a 10 year old?”
Who do you think Taylor Swift is targeted to? Any older, and she doesn’t wanna listen to her anymore anyway! You are SO lame!
And I got news for you Lame-O parents that think you’re protecting your kids from all the bad stuff … YOUR kids are the ones that get older and go buck wild. Cuz you didn’t let ‘em do anything when they were younger, and now they just can’t control themselves.
“My kids aren’t allowed to have sugar!”
Yeah … well guess what? They gorge themselves on it when you’re not around!
And you with the G-rated no bad things ever said or done ever ever?
Yeah ... I went to college with your kids. They’re the ones that go to their first party and up losing their pants and falling asleep inside a dumpster cuz they’re SOOOO excited to sip beer for the first time. There you go. Hope you're happy. Good job keeping ‘em away from Kung Fu Panda … that totally worked out!
And this is all an extension of the bigger problem … the internet. Yup … I blame the internet for pretty much all of our problems. And in this case mainly because it is now way too easy to complain. Wanna boycott something? Just click here to sign a petition. Wanna complain about something you don’t like? Just start blathering on on your own Facebook page.
I miss the good ol’ days of having to write a letter. And not because I want to write letters. Cuz I don't.
It’s because I know most people are WAY too lazy to actually sit down and write a letter. In the good ol’ days, their silly little complaints used to just drift away once a shiny object distracted them from whatever it was they were mad about. Now … they can complain right from the convenience of their smartphone. No thank you.
The moral of the story? Loosen up! You got one life to live … stop living some lamely!!! You're bringing the rest of us down with your loser talk.
Till next time Diary … I say … goodbye.