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Zack's Anger Diary: Seeing The Baby

February 16, 2016

 

Dear Diary …

 

I’m in trouble. Yup … big trouble. Me. Screwed.

 

I … am a TERRIBLE person! Why?

 

Because I know two different couples that have recently had a kid … and I … have not gone to “see the baby.”

 

Ooooh ... Lock me up in Jerk Jail everybody … I’m the worst! Because I confess … I don’t really like “seein’ the baby.”

 

Look … I’m happy for these people. Congratulations … you guys are awesome! Isn't that enough?

 

Why I gotta come over and look at the baby? Yep … there it is … it’s a baby. Ok now what?

 

And I know I sound like a 90’s sitcom talking about this … but I just don’t see why this is such a big deal. I mean ... correct me if I’m wrong … but babies got wicked low immune systems and it’s really bad if they get sick when they’re this young.

Right? So then why in the world are we exposing them to a parade of every single human we know? Going out into the germ-infested world and then coming in and touching all on the baby and talking all up to the baby.

 

And furthermore … babies … are boring! They can’t even hold up their own heads! What kind of fun is that? Yup … there he is … layin’ there.

 

I mean if I buy a new pair of shoes … I don’t expect you to come over and “see the shoes.” And shoes at least do stuff by being on my feet and looking all awesome … babies … again … just layin’ there.

 

And what’s the fascination with trying to get me to hold your baby? I’ll hold my own kids. But other people’s kids? Why???

 

I had a coworker once … got all mad at me. Brings her baby to work … “Hey Zack … wanna hold the baby.”

 

Nope. I’m good.

 

WHAT??? I can’t believe you don’t wanna hold my child!!!!

 

Nope. No thank you. Kinda Smells like diaper. I'm good.

 

See you in Jerk Jail!

 

OK … moving on Diary … Since it’s currently the time of year where everybody gets sick … I’d like to point out an observation.

 

People who say “I never get sick” are always the ones who get sick!

 

“I don’t normally get sick”

 

Well you are … and this is the fourth time in the last two months that you've been on Facebook whining about how your throat hurts and going back to this “I never get sick” thing that you're always hanging your hat on. Guess what? You DO get sick! Accept it and move on!

 

It's not even that I care that these poeple are sick. I care that they think they're some sort of higher class of being that never gets sick.

 

Quit trying to act like you’re some sort of X-Man than doesn’t succumb to normal human germs. You get stick just like the rest of us.

 

And furthermore … STAY HOME! You’re gross!

 

Till next time Diary … I say … goodbye

 

 

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