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Zack's Anger Diary: Alone with My Thoughts

November 10, 2015

 

Dear Diary …

 

Why your brain gotta screw ya? For all the wonderful and amazing things your brain does, it also does plenty of dumb things that totally screw you over. I call it “Jerk Brain” because … quite simply … your brain’s being a jerk.

 

Like when you leave for work in the morning, and then remember that your forgot something back at your house and you are JUST far enough away from your house that you can’t really turn around? That’s Jerk Brain. He coulda remembered sooner, but he didn't.

 

Here’s another one … This morning I’m in the shower, which 99% of the time is a place where you are alone with your thoughts. And as I sit there in the warm water, just soaking it all in, my brain says ...

 

“Hye, you know what? I haven’t been sick in a really long time. I wonder if I can make it thru the whole year without getting sick?”

 

Oh crap! Thoughts like that immediately terrify me because you start thinking … “Wait a minute … why you got sickness on the brain, brain? What’s goin’ on it there?”

 

Fast forward a half hour later. I’m sitting at work and I …

 

[[[WHHHHPPPP]]]

 

Kinda got a little dry throat here.

 

[[[WHHHHPPPP]]]

 

Little phlegmy.

 

JERK BRAIIIIN!!!!!

 

Now I’m still teetering … so I’m hoping it’s just a false alarm, but why you gotta do me like that Jerk Brain? Make me think about bein' all well, and then makin' me all sick. You jerk!

 

OK … moving on Diary …

 

I’m the cook in the house. I make most of the meals. Now my wife CAN cook … my schedule is just better for it. And honestly … I like it. And also … I’m pretty good at it. So it’s a bonus for everybody that they can get some pretty fancy meals right outta the hosue.

 

But here’s the deal … like any good chef, my food better be recognized and appreciated. And above all else … It better be eaten when it’s ready. Cuz this chef likes hot food .. so when it’s time to eat … it’s TIME TO EAT!

 

Last weekend … I make a meat sauce. Two days! Two days it takes me to make that thing … so you know it’s a darn good meat sauce. So it’s finally ready and I call everyone to the table … “Alright … dinner time.”

 

[[[SILENCE]]]

 

Hello????

 

DI-NNER-TIME!!!!

 

Sauce takes me two days to make, and now I’m sitting there. Waitin’. Food gettin’ cold here!

 

You know back in the day …. out on the ranch … you ring that bell … they come a-runnin’ in from the fields. And you people aren’t in no field … you’re in the living room watchin’ Netflix for so long you probably have blood clots in your legs from sittin’ there.

 

The Chef hails ye to dinner … Ye best be movin’ or I’m gonna start making me delicious meat sauce, and the rest of you can fight over a Lunchable! Get on with your hustle!

 

Till next time Diary … I say … Goodbye.

 

 

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