RSS Feed

Text STOP to 52353 to opt-out

Zack's Anger Diary: Stay At Home Moms Are Weird

July 28, 2015

 

Dear Diary …

 

Stay at home Moms. OK … before anything else, let me stand on the highest mountain and shout your praises for all the things that you do. But also … you guys are weird. Because yeah … you do ALL these amazing things day in and day out with your children, which leads me to the question ... “Why?” I spend like one afternoon with my kids and I’m about ready to lose my mind.

 

Stay at home Moms … and I mean this as a compliment … you guys are mutants. The fact that you can handle these little rascals … you’re like the X-Men … you’re just bigger, better, and stronger than we are. How do you not kill ‘em? Or at the very least ... How do you not spiral down into some sort of wine-induced fog by 3 pm every day just to make the screeching go away?

 

I was on vacation last week … Every two seconds with these kids … they want something.

 

“I want Cheeze-Its”

 

OK … fine. Here's your Cheez-Its.

 

Sit back down. Two seconds later the other one …

 

“Can I have some Goldfish?”

 

AHHHH!!!! Why didn’t you mention that when I was in the kitchen?

 

“I forgot?”

 

Oh bologna you forgot! Fine ... here's your Goldfish. Alright ...

 

Anybody else have anything they want before I sit down? No? … OK … Good.

 

[[aaahhhh]]

 

::SNIFF SNIFF::

 

AHH … poop! Here we go!

 

No clue how you do it. For me … staying at home makes me actually look forward to going to work. YOUR work IS home … there’s no escape!

 

Weirdoes … the whole lot of ya. Thoroughly important gifts from God. But still weird ones.

 

OK … moving on Diary …

 

Here’s a segment I like to call, “Things We Should Be Better At.”

 

When you look at it as a whole, this world really is an amazing place. Look at how far we’ve come as a people in the past hundred years. Heck … the past 20 years. I mean 20 years ago we weren't pooping in a hole in the ground like we were a hundred years ago, but still ... the internet? Hello! That said, there are still glaring problems that to me … given how far we’ve come … shouldn’t happen any more.

 

For example … why in our cars does there still exist a place between the front seats that is just big enough to have things like your cell phone … bloop … just fall right in? And this place is also small enough that it’s impossible to get your hand in to get the things out! This random little black hole doesn’t need to be there … serves no purpose … so why is it still there? We can plug up that hole? Shoot … bring back bench seating in cars … problem solved.

 

Here’s another thing we should be better at … I mean we got the technology to send back pictures of the planet Pluto in HD, but I still can’t take a shower and run a sprinkler at the same time in my house?

 

Look … I get it when … you know … indoor plumbing was new and stuff and we had just upgraded from using a wash basin, but you mean to tell me they can’t run enough water into my house so I can do those two things at the same time?

Failing … that’s what we’re doing here. Fix it … that’s what needs to happen.

 

Till next time Diary, I say … goodbye.

 

 

Share on Facebook
Share on Twitter
Please reload