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Zack's Anger Diary: Bouncy House Purgatory

June 23, 2015

 

Dear Diary …

 

We’re at that time of the year where there’s a lot of events going on … fun events with cool things to do, eat, and drink. And these events are, of course, always trying to do things to get you to come to them. That makes total sense. But with that in mind, I have a message for all of these events … and I think I speak for parents everywhere … Stop having bouncy houses at your events. We hate them!

 

I know you mean well when you do it, and you think “We’ll have a kids’ zone and it’ll have a bouncy house. Kids love bouncy houses!”

 

Yes … kids do love bouncy houses. That’s the problem … they love bouncy houses way too much.

 

So when you have them at your event … yeah you know all those other cool things you have going on? Well we parents don’t get to do any of them because we are trapped in bouncy house purgatory all day long.

 

I mean … have you ever in your life seen a child happily leave a bouncy house?

 

WAAAHHHHHHH!!!! BOUNCY HOUUUUUUUUSEEEEE!!!!!

 

Yeah … that’s more like it.

 

Cuz no child says, “Sure thing Mom and Dad, I’d love to stand next to you and do nothing while you enjoy the beer tent.”

Children don’t care about our happiness. We are just old fossils with wallets that can take them to bouncy houses and buy them ice creams.

 

“Oh it’s so sweet to see the innocence and happiness of a child.” Sure … of course they’re happy … Cuz that’s the only thing they care about. Your happiness? Pfffft … Take me to the bouncy house and shut your old mouth old man! Real easy to be happy when all you care about is you.

 

OK … Moving on Diary … Speaking of this time of year, it’s also a time where lots of people go on vacation. That’s awesome that we live in a county where many of us are able to do that. And if you are one of the lucky ones, I encourage you to do one thing when you go on vacation … Actually go and be on vacation. Cuz all you’re doing right now is posting on social media about your vacation.

 

“Waking up at the condo” … Here’s a picture.

 

“Breakfast on the porch” … Here’s a picture.

 

“Having a drink” … Here’s a picture.

 

I don’t know why these people feel like they gotta prove something to the rest of us.

 

Here’s a crazy idea … just sit there and actually enjoy your vacation. Because when all you’re doing now is excessively posting about your vacation, you’re not actually experiencing anything. And furthermore, you do realize that all you’re doing is rubbing it in to everybody you know who isn’t on vacation, right? Not to mention the fact that you’re freely advertising, “Hey really far away from home right now in case you wanna steal our television!”

 

Look vacationer ... We already put up with two months of you counting down, 47 days till the beach … Now you're gone, and we still have to hear about it! Shut it down and actually enjoy yourself.

 

Till next time Diary … I say … Goodbye

 

 

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