Zack's Anger Diary: Lazy Brain and Double Standards

Dear Diary …

As we all make our way through this world, there are so many challenges and obstacles to overcome. People … opportunities … shoot even just bad luck. And as if all of those things aren’t hard enough, then you gotta deal with your biggest enemy of them all … yourself. Specifically … your brain.

Man … why your brain gotta do you like that? You work so hard to overcome all these other things … and you’d think your own brain would be Team You, but that dastardly veiny little thing is the worst!

For example … Diary … as I write in you write now … You know what I wanna do? Not this! All my brain says is … “I’m tired.

I’m hungry. I wanna do something else.”

Now … at 5am ... when I was busy with all sorts of other things … My brain was all gung-ho “Hey … I wanna write in the Anger Diary! MHAHAHAAHH!!!”

It always wants to do something else. I bring up 5am, because that’s the time my brain really wants to go to the gym. Can't go then, but later in the day, when I’m done with work and can actually go to the gym …

“I’m tired. I’m hungry. I wanna do something else.”

I tell you what … I think my brain is messing with me at 5am because it KNOWS I can’t go to the gym them. It doesn’t REALLY wanna go to the gym, it just toys with my emotions at a time that it knows it can get away with it.”

Cuz guess what? On Saturday at 5am … “I’m tired. I’m hungry. I wanna do something else.”

You little jerk!

Oh and forget being on a diet … your brain starts off all “Yeah … we can totally do this. Mind over matter!”

Then as soon as he gets the chance “Mmmm … potato chip ... Potato chip … Om nom nom!”

Mind over matter. We all need to start rootin’ for matter, cuz mind is screwin’ us over!

OK … moving on Diary ...

Double standards … You know, where one rule is applied to one group of people, but is then different for another group … Yeah, they’re wrong for the most part.

I mean, like, I as a man think it’s crap that a woman can pretty much do whatever she wants if the man in her relationship has “wronged” her. Key his car, burn his stuff, trash his reputation. It's all fair game. And not only is it OK … there’s songs written about it that make people lots of money.

Oh but flip that around and man does all those things to his girlfriend … Hello prison!

It goes both ways though. Women … you should be furious at the double standard that men can hook up with as many chicks as they want … and they’re a stud. YOU do that … Everybody says you got herpes. Totally unfair!

That said … some double standards are OK.

Like when you’re a parent and dealing with kids … You’re totally allowed to pull that “Do as I say, not as I do” card. Like the other day, my son wanted his iPad. Well guess what … It wasn’t iPad time. And pay no attention to the fact that I was using an iPad while I was telling him this. Rule don’t count for Daddy. I paid my dues. And I paid for iPads. So step off!

Another time double standards are OK are with words. I know they’re just words, but when crafted together, they can become very powerful. That’s why I think it’s important to have double standards with them. Like … women can say certain words, while men absolutely should not say the same words.

“I sleep naked.”

When a woman says that … Bravo sister! Girl power! You are cute!

A man? Ewww. Like your whole house to me is a motel bedspread. No thank you!

Here’s another one …

“I just love children.”

Yeah … I don’t need to elaborate there.

“Spoon me.”

No self-respecting man on Earth would say “spoon me.” So yeah … sometimes a double standard is perfectly OK.

Till next time Diary, I say … goodbye.