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Zack's Anger Diary: Facebook the Sewer

May 12, 2015

 

Dear Diary …

 

Facebook is an amazing thing. It has revolutionized the way we communicate, and really has helped make the world become a better place. Oh who am I kidding? It’s a sewer! Like straight from the sewage treatment plant, festering full of every human germ of the world, and all the horrible things we say and do. It's terrible!

 

Diary … I don’t even like talking to people, but Facebook has made even ME long for the days when all we did was talk face to actual human face, and not on some cesspool of a website that has become this place for everybody to spend all day whining and complaining about every little thing in their life.

 

And the biggest problem I have, is that it's made people feel WAY too important. They think they’re like, Kings and Queens of their own little Kingdom … lording over their flock of dedicated Facebook friends.

 

Acting all important … like we’re all sooooo privileged to hear about your daily whining about your sinus infection, or about how one of Logan’s teachers was mean to him, or how it’s 32 days till your big beach trip.

 

Look … it’s fine if that’s the stuff you wanna post. I don’t care. The problem is that you THINK I care. That’s what always drives me nuts when I see this message …

 

“Just a did a big Facebook purge on my friends list. Congrats on making the cut.”

 

You know what? When I see that message, I’m actually BUMMED that I made the cut. And what are all of us supposed to say ... those of us that made this magical cut?

 

“Oh thank you Lord of the Facebook for allowing me to still see your posts about how you wish it was Friday already and how you only got 3 hours of sleep last night. Rejoice to thee that I can be one of your chosen ones!”

 

Need I remind you that there’s only one true King … ME. King Zack. Nobody else.

 

So go ahead and post your little insignificant things. Just remember that's exactly what they are ... insignificant.

 

OK … moving on Diary …

 

The warm weather is finally creeping in, and soon we’ll be smack dab in the middle of the hot days of the summer time. So with that in mind, I offer everyone a piece of advice … especially men.

 

When inevitably somebody comes to your door … pizza guy, FedEx person, random kid selling coupon books for his school … can you please do us all a favor and put a shirt on before you open the door?

 

What sane person answers a door shirtless?

 

Immediately the whole normal balance of society and social interaction is thrown off. You have no shirt on!

 

I know you might be hot … but human beings put shirts on before they answer the door. Especially for strangers!

 

I really do feel for delivery people … the stuff they have to see .. stuff they don’t even wanna see … stuff they can’t un-see.

Why are you doing this to them?

 

And they must be amazingly strong individuals, because how is it that we don’t hear more stories in the news like “Longtime pizza delivery guy decides he can’t take it anymore and stabs his own eyes out?”

 

I don’t care what anybody does in the privacy of their own home. Sit around shirtless … smoke weed ... marry a goat … whatever. As long as it don’t affect me, then I don’t care. But when you cross that plane … the doorway of your house … that’s the threshhold to the outside world and society. Put a dang shirt on!

 

Till next time Diary … I say … Goodbye.

 

 

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