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Zack's Anger Diary: Conversation Fishing

February 17, 2015

 

Dear Diary …

 

I'm speaking out today against fishing.

 

Now I don’t mean that activity where people throw a worm in a lake and try to catch a fish. I’m cool with that kind of fishing.

 

Granted … I don’t really like to bait a hook. Nasty little worm all wiggling around, and I definitely don’t wanna take no floppy fish of a hook. Looking at you all wide-eyed … HHHHGGGGHHHHHHGGGG … Help me! Ew.

 

I don’t know what is, but I just don’t like touching ‘em when they’re on the hook. I’ll take a dead fish from the grocery store and filet the whole thing myself. Rip the guts out. Not care. But when they’re all floppy and slimy and HHHHGGGGHHHHHHGGGG. Gross!

 

Anyway … like I said … it’s not that fishing. That’s regular fishing. I mean who doesn’t like to concept of “Sit around and drink until your food shows up on a stick?”

 

I’m talking about “Conversation Fishing.”

 

I don’t know if you noticed Diary, but we live in a desperate society where people are constantly begging for attention. Look at ME! Pay attention to ME! Follow ME on Instagram! Click like on MY Facebook post!

 

Facebook is far and away the worst place for conversation fishers, cuz they love to post things like “Well this day couldn’t get any worse.”

 

That’s it … no details … just this pathetic cry for help.

 

And it’s not even them I’m mad at the most, it’s you people that feed into their little egoes and say things like “Oh no … I’m here for you” … “Sending prayers.”

 

Stop it! Don’t encourage them! That’s what they want you to do.

 

“Oh I can’t really talk about it right now”

 

Well then don’t bring it up in the first place! And again … the rest of you are the fish. And your whiny friend just dangled the worm out there, and you opened your big ol’ fish mouth and … yoink … they hooked ya.

 

And it’s not just Facebook … conversation fishers will pull this crap in real conversations too.

 

My mother pulls it all the time. Where she’ll be sitting there, reading her emails or whatever, and then she’ll just out of nowhere say …

 

“Well that’s a problem”

 

Sigh … What’s a problem?

 

“Oh … since you asked …”

 

I did not ask! You made me ask!

 

Look … if you got information to share … just share it. And if you bring it up … you better share it. Facebook fishers will always pull that “Well I can’t give details right now … please respect my privacy.”

 

You brought it up in the first place!

 

My wife left me hanging in a real life conversation. She’s looking at something on her phone and does that “Hahaha! That’s funny!”

 

… And then nothing … just walks away

 

Hey … you get back in here and you tell me what’s funny!

 

But really the take-home here is it’s on us … the fish. We need to stop taking the bait. When our downer friends post their narcissistic little head games on Facebook … leave ‘em out there … flappin’ in the wind … like an old man’s saggy undercarriage. I apologize for the horrible imagry, but it’s the only way to get us to learn and get the fishermen to go away.

 

Till next time Diary … I say … Goodbye.

 

 

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