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Zack's Anger Diary: Shorts People

December 9, 2014

 

Dear Diary …

 

There’s a slight chill in the air. OK … whatever … let’s call it like it is … it’s COLD! Cuz it’s winter! No chill. Straight up cold.

Now cold weather isn’t exactly my favorite, but it is what it is, so that doesn’t really bother me. Just throw on a jacket …

maybe some gloves … go on with your day. A-ha … But that’s where a certain breed of people come waltzin’ on in … shorts people.

 

These are the people where … even if it’s cold out … they continue to wear shorts. And if you wanna do that, and wear shorts all year long … I got no problem with that. But would you be quiet about it? Everybody that wears shorts in the winter … you know who they are, because they’re always reminding you that they wear shorts in the winter.

 

“Hey … looks like we might get snow this weekend.”

 

“Snow? I wear shorts in the winter. A little snow won’t scare ME! Look at ME! I’m shoveling snow, and I’m wearing SHORTS!”

 

Yay … good for you. You love cold legs, or you have some sort of genetic mutation and you have an extra layer of whale blubber that makes you impervious to the cold. Either way … I don’t care. Yes … I know you wear shorts in the winter. I see you wearing shorts in the winter. Congratulations on wearing shorts in the winter. What do you want, a trophy?

 

And Diary … just by bringing this up, I know I’m screwed now. Rest of my life … I’m gonna run into people who wear shorts in the winter, and they are gonna let me know that they wear shorts in the winter, simply because I brought this up. The sacrifices I make for you!

 

Anyway … moving on Diary …

 

Can you explain to me why some things that should be SO simple, gotta be so difficult? Like with my phone … and that autocorrect thing. You know … where it fixes the words you spell wrong. Not only that … it learns certain words and names that you use, and will correct those as well. And most of the time, it’s pretty good, but God forbid one time you accidentally cancel out the autocorrect and allow the misspelled word to sneak in to your dictionary. It's all over!

 

Autocorrect learns it forever … and the next thing you know you’re busy typing the word “sonething” for the rest of your life.

No more “something” for me, Diary. My phone thinks I wanna talk about “sonething” instead. And the word “them?” Gone!

Apparently I prefer the word "thrm." Hey have you heard from thrm lately? Man I haven't seen thrm in a while.

 

And you’d think there would be a simple fix for this … You just go in and delete the word out of the list. Yeah … you can’t do that. You can either delete all of them, or just suffer silently. Cuz iPhone doesn’t give you the option to delete just one of them.

 

And yes … I know … you do have that option on an Android phone. “Love my Droid!” Those people are quick to point that one out, cuz they are even louder than Mr. I Wear Shorts In the Wintertime. Love my Droid!

 

I can’t even IMAGINE having to put up with people who wear shorts in the winter AND own an android phone. They must be exhausting to be around. How do they even have time to talk about anything else?

 

"I wear shorts in the winter! Love my Droid! Shorts in the winter! Love my Droid! Shorts in the winter! Love my Droid!"

 

And if they do Crossfit? Ugh ... it's all over now.

 

Till next time Diary … I say …. Goodbye.

 

 

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