Zack's Anger Diary: The Virus That's Spreading

Dear Diary …

Pray for me … because an infection has taken over my home. And no … I don’t mean an infection like ones you see in the news like Ebola. This one is FAR more widespread in this country … affecting tens of thousands of children every year. The infection of the doll known as the "American Girl."

My daughter has officially been stricken with the virus. Every day she rushes to the mailbox to see if a new catalog has come in. She talks about the American Girl dolls. Which one she wants. What she will do with the doll once she has one.

Blah blah blah.

So what I’ve learned as a Dad who’s been shopping around for an American Girl doll. They are made out of gold. At least … that’s the assumption I’m making since they’re so freakin’ expensive, they’re better be a gold bar jammed in their little doll overalls somewhere!

And the dolls bad enough at a hundred and twenty bucks … but the accessories … now that’s where the real criminal activity starts to set in. Hey Diary … would you like to buy Samantha’s bicycle? Well it’s only $115. That’s right … a toy bicycle … for a doll … $115. Let me just point out that the bicycle I bought for my human child for her birthday ... 60 bucks. Half the price of doll bicycle!

Hey Diary … How about the Pretty City Carriage? $275!!! Oh and I should mention that this is a horse drawn carriage, and for $275 you know what it doesn’t have? HORSE! Cuz the horse is $100. Somebody call Crime Stoppers, cuz we be gettin’ robbed around here!

And yes … I know there are American Girl knockoffs. Target’s got some Flamerican Girl. Wal-Mart’s got some Laymerican Girl. I am aware of the lower cost alternatives, but that doesn’t detract from the bigger question “What moron is dropping $500 on a doll bike and a doll carriage with a horse?” Cuz somebody is, or they’d be out of business!

THAT is the bigger issue … we are du-UMB for allowing this to happen.

Are we ever gonna draw a line in the sand with the cost of kid toys and presents? Cuz I don't think we are.

I liked it better than the olden days when kids still got an orange in their Christmas stocking and they thought that was cool.

Today, the only fruit they want in the Apple logo in the corner of their $700 iPad. Honestly, for the first 12 years of a kid’s life, all of their presents, combined over those 12 years shouldn’t total $700.

You want more toys? There’s a tree out back … and every stick you break off a branch is a new toy. Ta-DA!

But here’s the hard part … we ALL have to band together and say no. Because what happens is SOME of us fight back, but other parents say, “My baby is the most important thing in the world and I’m gonna buy her whatever she wants, so here’s your hundred dollar horse for your hundred dollar doll. Don’t you tell me how to raise my kids!”

YOU. You’re the one that’s ruining this for everybody. And I don't know how to get you to stop, because you don't listen to a darn thing.

Look … I’ll confess … I’m already caught in the web here. She’s gonna get the doll. But she’s also gonna get the cheap knock-off accessories. I'm gonna call that "small gains for bigger goals." It’s all I can do to start until the rest of you prove that you're coming along for the fight.

Till next time Diary, I say … Goodbye.