Dear Diary …
Times change. We evolve. Stuff we used to need at one point in our lives … we don’t need any more. Take the land line for example. You got a cell phone? You don’t need it any more. Sure … there’s exceptions if you live in a bad cell signal area, or you’re just a weirdo that likes being called by telemarketers, but the point is … most of us have evolved beyond it.
Typewriter. Gone! No need.
So here’s one I’d like to suggest … It is high time we get rid of these ridiculous disclaimers we force people to put in commercials. Especially car commercials, where I’m of course referring to the part where they start talkingreallyfastandlayingdownabunchofrandomfactsanddetailsthatyoucan’tevenhearorunderstandbecausetheyarebeingsaidsoquickly.
Alright … c’mon … let’s be honest … We have no idea what they’re saying in those things, so why even bother making them say it in the first place? We all know there’s stuff and rules and add-ons for everything in this world. Making them spew it all out as fast as they can isn’t accomplishing anything. We have no idea what they’re saying anyway. So who’s this protecting?
Or even just simpler things. Like can’t we all agree … that we ALL know that “price and participation may vary?” I’m well aware that a cheeseburger at the airport McDonald’s is gonna cost more than the McDonald’s down the street from my house.
I mean, have you ever met someone in your life who's dense enough to think ... "For a limited time only? But I thought this deal would last FOREVER!"
Ugh … what a waste. Get rid of it.
OK ... moving on Diary …
First of all … I love television. It’s got everything you want … drama, comedy, reality ... pornography. Point is ... it’s fun entertainment for whatever you’re into. So what I don’t need, is some sort of holier than thou guilt trip from people who don’t watch TV. Man … they think they’re the smartest people in the room, don’t they?
Oh .. we don’t watch television in our house. Our children have never seen an episode of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.
Well aren’t you special? Funny … I don’t see any trophies on your mantle for winning the “Not Watching Television” Award.
You don’t wanna watch? Fine. But don’t act like it makes you any smarter because you read a book. Cuz you know what’s a book? 50 Shades of Grey. You and I both know you're reading that, and you’re not reading Kafka over there smarty pants.
And yes … I Googled that guy’s name to sound smart! Kafka! Sounds like a fancy Greek yogurt.
Point is … I should not feel guilty that I like TV. And parents .. we’re all terrible at this.
We totally lie to other parents all the time. "Oh we don’t watch THAT much TV in our house. Maybe just an hour."
Oh whatever … we are all LYING!
You know what? It was a rainy on Sunday … and you know what my kids did? Watched TV. ALL. DAY. LONG. Didn’t even bother to get ‘em dressed either. How ya like me now, you Super Parents?
Furthermore ... let me let you in on a little secret when it comes to kids. You know what they want more than anything? The stuff you deprive them of.
Think about THAT next time you try to run your little perfect household of no sins and vices. Your kids are the ones that go buck wild, and then end up in viral videos when they break their arm trying to jump off a roof and into a pool at a Frat party. Great parenting, Mom and Dad!
Just let 'em watch TV. And even if you don't, just be quiet while I let mine do it.
Till next time Diary … I say .. Goodbye