Zack's Anger Diary: Plus Size Ain't Plus Size

Dear Diary …

As the summer comes to a close and the leaves start to change color, we all know that in particular there is one monumental event going down … Back to School. And if you have a kid ( or you are a kid), you of course know that it’s Back to School time. But even if you don’t have a kid, you know it’s Back to School because your Facebook feed is one million different pictures of everybody else’s kids standing on their front stoop wearing their brand new backpack.

You are infected with them. And there’s so many of them, it almost makes you wish for more Ice Bucket Challenge videos in your feed. I said ALMOST by the way … you put that bucket down mister.

Anyway ... here’s the thing. The Back to School pictures … fine … love ‘em. I posted ‘em just like anybody else. I even look at other people’s pictures.

I especially enjoy the kids that are a little bit older. Because unlike their smiling 5 year old little sister … they're not happy it's back to school. They are MISERABLE that it’s back to school. And their painful little faces are hilarious.

So … no problem here at all with the Back to School pictures. On the first day of school. After that … you stop it. You can take a picture if you want, but that picture is for you. You don’t gotta share it with anybody else. We saw little Braden or Jaden or Laden or whatever his name is ... he had his new school shoes on yesterday. We don’t need to see him again … and again … and again.

“Day 4 of Back to School”

This is not a photograph worthy event! Personally, I blame the fact that we don’t have to pay for film any more. If we had to pay $6 to have those pictures developed, nobody would see day four of Back to School. But since it’s free and right there on our phones … oooh … lemme take a picture!

I'm starting to think that no phone should be allowed to hold more than nine pictures before you then need to dump them onto a computer. That way, you’d only take the REALLY good ones, and you’d leave all the other crud behind.

OK … moving on Diary … Now I will freely admit that this is a rare time where I’ve decided that I’m offended “on behalf” of another group of people, even though I’m not one of those people.

Normally … that’s one of my biggest pet peeves … deciding you’re offended by something even though you aren’t part of that group that you think it's offensive toward.

“Oh, Zack, what you said is offensive to Mexicans”

Are you Mexican?


Well then we’re done here!

If a Mexican person decides they’re offended by something, then that means something. Random white soccer Mom? You don’t get to be offended for them.

But like I said … I’m being a little bit of a hypocrite here, because I’m offended on behalf of the plus-size population. But in this case, I think it’s OK, because I do think it impacts all of us, because the fashion industry clearly thinks we’re all morons.

Google “plus size model” … What do you see? Normal women. There ain't anything plus size about 'em. NORMAL! The average clothing size for a woman is a 14 … most “plus size” models … they aren’t even THAT. They’re like a 10. Don’t insult my intelligence that these normal women … heck … statistically BELOW AVERAGE size women … they’re not plus size models!

here's another example ... there’s a new Scooby Doo cartoon .. one of those lousy straight to DVD movies … the skinny character is “cursed” by the bad guy and he turns her from a size 2 … all the way to … GASP … a size 8! Oh no … an 8!

Meanwhile in real life, we got people joining CrossFit and throwing truck tires down a hill with the ultimate goal of slimming DOWN to a size 8. The horror!!!

Hey … you can have plus size models. They just have to actually be plus size. And furthermore … they’re called curves. If we men thought being rail-thin was sexy, then we’d all just hump a stop sign or something. What? Oh whatever … you know what I mean.

Till next time Diary … I say … Goodbye

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