Zack's Anger Diary: Single Dad Weekend

Dear Diary …

This past weekend Dad was in charge. That's right ... All by myself! Mommy went out of town with the girls to do whatever it is girls do when they’re together. You know … drink wine, splash each other while frolicking, make out … Oh sorry … That’s what they do on the internet. I have no idea what they do in real life.

Doesn't really matter, cuz single Dad weekend was in full effect! Me vs. the two little monsters.

Here’s one thing I noticed during the weekend. This isn’t really anything new … I’ve noticed it in the past … but this weekend hammered it home as a confirmation.

And ... I can apply this to all of you with more than one kid. I’ll do a little Psychic Parenting if you will … cuz right now I’m gonna correctly guess your kid’s favorite toy. I don’t care how many toys your kid has … I don't care if their a boy or a girl. I know their favorite toy of them all … It’s whatever toy the other kid is currently playing with.

Cuz that’s the one they just HAVE to have.

Over the weekend, the kids are playing and my son goes rooting around in the toy box and pulls out some toy stethoscope.

I’m pretty sure he even had to blow dust off the thing because nobody had used it in forever. Fast forward … oh I don’t know … 11 seconds into the future … and my daughter says “When am I gonna get a turn with that?”

Let me get this straight … I forgot we even owned the thing … you did too … but now that your brother is using it … now you want it? OK fine … you can use it when he’s done with it. Which of course when you say something sensible like that to a child … their rational response is …

“That will take FOREVER … and I don’t have ANYTHING to play with!” (Which she is saying as she is surrounded by toys.)

God knows how many of my paychecks were laying around that living room … but “I don’t have ANYTHING! because I don’t have that dusty old stethoscope my brother is currently sticking in his mouth.”

That’s another thing … kid drama is so ridiculous.

My daughter … she’s 5 years old … and she is ALL girl. Pink things. Barbie dolls. A closet full of dress up dresses. And the wands. I’ve never seen a kid with so many magic wands. But she likes to do magic princess things ... so she has many magic princess wands.

My son on the other hand … he likes to smash things.

So he gets his hands on a magic princess wand. Smash! No more wand.

Now … yes … not an ideal situation to have yourself a broken toy. But keep in mind that my daughter has 4 more wands in her arsenal all ready to do whatever magic princess spells she needs. So she can be calm, cool, and collected about this whole thing … right? NOOOOOO!!

“My WAAAANNNNNDDDDDD!!!!!! MY WAND IS BROKEN!!!! Now I don’t have ANY wands!!!! WAHHHHH!!!!!”

OK, maybe I’m not as compassionate a Dad as I should be, but my response was, “Don’t you have like 4 other wands that you can use?”

“But none of them will ever be as awesome as THAT wand!!! WAHHHH!!!!!!”

So in the face of this travesty, I did what any strong parent who wants to raise their children with a foundation of values and sense appreciation would do ... we went to the store and I bought another wand so she would stop crying.

OK fine … maybe the real moral of this story is that being a parent is all about being a hypocrite! Yeah in fantasy land they never watch TV, and they love each other, and they happily play with an old boot as their only toy. But in the real world Mommy and Daddy worked all day and we’re tired and we want some peace and quiet so go watch Disney Channel for a couple hours and enjoy your brand new magic princess wand. Big whoop!

You think you're better than me? Then you come watch 'em!

Till next time Diary … I say, goodbye.