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Zack's Anger Diary: Speak To Humans / Pineapple On Pizza

July 1, 2014

 

 

Dear Diary …

 

The story I'm about to tell you ... It's not so much about me trying to teach you something new. It’s about me trying to remind you about how the way things used to be (and still should be).

 

The other day I was having a conversation with someone. In person. To their face. Two humans … speaking to each other.

 

And Diary … you know me, I’m not normally a big fan of people, but this guy was a competition pro on the BBQ circuit. Nerd alert! Nerd alert! And not for him ... I mean nerd alert for me Zack Jackson, BBQ nerd. I love BBQ. Love cookin’ it. Love eatin’ it. Love talkin’ about it. I'm legitimately excited! (And that rarely happens)

 

For me … celebrities … I don’t really care. Hey wanna meet Justin Timberlake? Nah, I’m fine. But … hey … wanna meet an eight time BBQ Grand Champion? [[[SQUEAL]] Yes!!!

 

So I see the guy, and I start talking to him. Then, 30 seconds into the conversation, he gets a phone call.

 

At least … I ASSUME he gets a phone call. Because all he did was look at his phone, and turn and walk away. The end.

Conversation over. Wah-wah.

 

This has become a real problem. Now I understand, you get a call and you need to take it … that’s fine. But how about you at least say to me, “Oooh sorry, I gotta take this call. Hang on one second.” You don’t just walk away as if I was a lamp, and you don't even have to say anything. I am a human!

 

So here’s where the reminder comes in … because the way it used to be … and the way it should ALWAYS continue to be … You speak to humans before you speak to machines.

 

It’s all we every do anymore when we’re around our friends .. scroll thru our phones.

 

Hey … you got somewhere better to be or something? Well maybe you should be there! It's called "being in the moment."

And sometimes I'll be somewhere and one of my friends will be doing this, and I think … Who are you even talking to on that thing? We're all here ... it ain't us ... and you don't know anybody else!

 

The moral of the story is simple … put your phone down and talk to the humans in front of you. And yes … every now and then it’s a call you really need to take. But let’s be honest here … how often is that? Two percent of the time?

 

And when there’s a human in front of you … a friend, or even a complete stranger that happens to be the person that’s about to make your sandwich for you at Subway, or whatever … how about you show a little respect for them and put down your stinkin’ phone for two seconds?

 

OK … moving on Diary …

 

While we’re here fixing the world, how about we also just get real and once and for all accept that this whole “putting pineapple on a pizza” thing was a fad and it should be over. Forever.

 

Pineapple is such a weird food. Because … it’s delicious … by itself. But with anything else? Awful.

 

I could sit here and ask why, but I’m not here to understand the weird science of the pineapple, I just know that fruit don’t belong on pizzas. And don’t gimme this “Tomato’s a fruit” … No it isn’t. It’s a vegetable.

 

Fruits are fruits, like strawberry. You wouldn’t eat a ham and strawberry pizza, would you? Well then it's the same exact thing for pineapple.

 

Pineapple belongs in only two places … in a bowl all by itself, or on top of that lady’s head who wears all the fruit and sings the Hoochie Coochie Chiquita banana song. That's it.

 

Till next time Diary, I say goodbye.

 

 

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