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Zack's Anger Diary: Kids and Dogs Hate Sleep / Pinterest Is a Liar

June 24, 2014

 

 

Dear Diary …

 

So answer me this … And this is probably one of life’s biggest mysteries … Why do children and dogs hate sleep? Oh and not THEIR sleep … they get plenty of that. They just hate YOUR sleep. Especially on Saturday and Sunday mornings.

 

Why do they do this to us?

 

Their loyal, giving parents who spend all week bustin’ their hump for the man to pick up a not big enough paycheck, and to keep them flush with their Barbies and their Milk Bones and their Frozen soundtracks. The week finally ends, and all we wanna do is sleep until … oh I don’t know … all the way until 8 am. Oooooh … sleepin’ in!

 

But noooo … apparently that is an unreasonable request.

 

One of my dogs throws up EVERY Saturday morning at 6:30. Doesn’t throw up during the week. Doesn't throw up any other time of day. Just Saturday. Every Saturday. And just at 6:30am.

 

And the 6:30 vomit alarm? Oh well you’re lucky if you make it that far, because half the time my son is already awake and just in his crib, yelling ...

 

“Momma!” “Momma!”

 

And guess what he does on weekdays? Sleeps! My wife has to wake his butt up to get him ready for school.

 

But Saturday?

 

“Daaaaaaady!” "Daaaaaaaady"

 

The one silver lining to all of this is that it finally answers that question I always asked myself when I was 16 years old and I wanted to sleep till noon ... “Aw, ow come my Mom is vacuuming at 8:30 in the morning? She knows I’m trying to sleep!”

Yeah she knows … which is exactly why she was vacuuming. I stole her sleep … and I she was just returning the favor. And I will be doing the exact same thing to my children.

 

OK … moving on Diary …

 

Let me pass on a warning to all of you about something that tries to pose as helpful, but is actually evil. Pinterest. Oh Pinterest tries to be your friend …

 

“Hey look at me … I’m all beautiful looking and fun to use!”

 

It’s a liar. Don’t listen to it.

 

Now … If you’re unfamiliar with Pinterest … It’s a website where women post pictures of arts and crafts projects that they’re never actually going to do, but always tag them with things like “Totally going to do this.”

 

That's half of Pinterest. And then the other half is a place where people post terrible recipes and trick you into making them by making the pictures look pretty.

 

And there’s my warning .. never trust Pinterest recipes. 99% of them stink. And even with that percentage, I am still the idiot that goes diving back in for more all the time.

 

Hey that looks good!

 

Well it isn’t.

 

Like the last one I made … some casserole. I don’t even remember exactly what. Doesn’t matter. Point is, when it was done it was a flavorless, watery mess. And even as I’m making it, I’m thinking “Sure does seem like a lot of liquid.”

 

Well sure enough … it was.

 

Do these people actually make these recipes? Or is it that their standards just set much much lower than mine when it comes to good food?

 

Cuz everything is always “the BEST cassserole EVER!” or “BEST crockpot meal” or whatever. I mean … opinions are often relative … So maybe they’ve just never eaten good food before … so them it actually is the best casserole they’ve ever had?

 

I dunno. Point is. Don’t trust your friend Pinterest. He’s like that bad boy you dated. He’s all cute on the outside, but he’s a big liar on the inside that will break your heart and make your tummy hurt.

 

That's your bad boy Pinterest. Be warned!

 

Till next time Diary ... I say, goodbye.

 

 

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